Our Adoption Story: Part 1...Licensing

Our story started back in Iowa almost 6 years ago. My husband's friend convinced him that he would eventually take over his dad's business and he wanted a partner. So we decided to move down to Arizona. Unfortunately, it would be five years before he would be ready to hand over his business and in the meantime, my husband would have to work doing construction in the business to learn how it was run. His income would not be enough to support our family.

We talked about me opening a daycare, but I really wasn't excited about that--with a daycare you have to pretty much stay home all the time and you have to deal with other people's kids who may or may not be well-mannered. Not my cup of tea.

My father-in-law owns a licensing agency for foster families for developmentally disabled adults. "Let's just get a mentally-handicapped adult. They go away for daycare during the day and the income would make it so you don't have to work outside the home." Um...no. His parents had adults in their home and they were limited on activities at times because they had to find respite (glorified babysitting).

But my husband had grown up with adults in his home and was convinced this was the solution. "We can choose the level of disability we will take. Some of the clients are very high functioning and can even help out around the house." Um...still no. I had a 9 month old Honor at the time and didn't want to risk her getting hurt by a strange adult who didn't know better. Besides...adults just aren't my thing.

"How about regular foster care?" I suggested. We had friends in Iowa who did foster care and I thought that would be better than day care...the kids were mine most of the time so I could influence consistent discipline. But then I remembered that they'd lost a few of their kids for various reasons. I didn't want to do that to Honor.

"How about Developmentally Disabled foster care for children?" My husband countered. "Those kids are in the system usually because no one wants them. They won't be taken."

And so it was settled. We would do DD foster care to enable me to be able to stay at home. Oh wait...that goes against the "selfless sacrifice" label that people like to give foster moms of DD kids. Well the truth is, although I would take any kid that needed a home for free and make it work somehow, it is nice that the state is willing to pay for it. Many of these kids have a lot of special expenses that require the additional income. And frankly, if they didn't pay for it, I could not have afforded to stay at home with these kids who really need that consistency--they've already been bounced around enough--no need to add in new daycare workers too.

But I digress...

Right after Honor turned one, we packed up and moved down to AZ. I didn't even see the home before we moved into it, but as usual, my husband made a good choice. I was very pleased.

We immediately began the process to get our license. To avoid a conflict of interest, my father-in-law suggested a different licensing agency. From the beginning, our licensing agency was efficient, friendly and professional and I will be forever grateful for their help. Then began the long process of homestudies, interviews, reference letters, Article 9 classes, CPR, First Aid, physicals, and endless stacks of paperwork. It took four months from start to finish, but that was actually pretty fast. We were then told that it would take a month or more for our license to be approved by the state, but we were okay'd for respite. So I did respite.

Our first consistent client was "Jamie". Jamie was 4 years old with the mentality of an 18 month old. When we took her for overnights, I had to rub her head until she fell asleep. She still took a bottle at bedtime and she was not potty trained. Changing a 4 year old's diaper is not fun--especially when you are used to "baby poops". Overall she was a sweet little girl, but she didn't communicate well and I was glad when we were no longer needed to watch her.

I prayed that our foster child would be either a baby or able to communicate better.

Only a few weeks later our license came through for one child, age 0-11 years. We were told it would be another couple of months before we got a placement. Two weeks later I received this call:

"We have an emergency placement. Would you be willing to take him?"

"Of course."

"Okay, he is currently waiting at the DHS building in Tempe. It looks like it will be after dinner before he can be brought to you. We don't know what, if any, developmental delays he has. All I know is, his birthday is August 17th, and his name is Conner."

"Thank you."

I hung up the phone and ran out to Walmart to get another crib and another car seat. I had no idea what Conner would be like, but I loved him already. How could I not? His name rhymed with my daughter's and they were exactly the same age! If this wasn't God-ordained, I didn't know what was!

Conner ended up coming to our home a little after 8 pm. We had already put Honor to bed so we were able to devote all of our attention to our new foster son. We waited anxiously as the case worker brought in his few belongings--a diaper bag filled with one change of clothes, and a some diapers. It smelled so strongly of cigarette smoke that I had to put it into the garage. The smell then permeated the entire garage so much that I had to take it outside.

Then the case worker went out to the car to get him. I had no idea what to expect. In my mind's eye, I had pictured a little Hispanic boy. I was completely unprepared for him. He was Honor's twin! Same sandy blond hair. Same brown eyes. Same chubby cheeks. She brought him in and handed him to me. Conner clung to me like another body part and he felt so natural there.

I wasn't told much information other than his mom would have a hearing in two weeks to have a chance to get her kids back--Conner had a sister that went to another foster home because we were only licensed for one. After two weeks, if the judge ruled against her, he would officially enter the foster care system. I needed to take him to the doctor within the next 48 hours to get him checked out. Someone from the office would be in contact with me sometime in the next few days.

And that was it. They left our house and we were left with a stranger that we were supposed to love as our own.

Conner, the day after we got him. That night we gave him his first bath.
Although the day care provider had cleaned him, he still left a ring round our bathtub from the layer of filth on him.

Honor and Conner...friends from the beginning.

Part 2