Yes, They're Homeschooled

I walked in the door.

Samuel: "Mom! We had so much fun while you were gone! We played the Punctuation Game! Connor was 'period'--he said 'period' after everything. Honor was 'question mark'--everything she said was in the form of a question. Ariana was 'comma'--she took a lot of breaths. And I was 'exclamation point'--I yelled a lot. It was so fun!"

And that's what happens when they aren't allowed television. 

That Backfired

2013

Honor: "I want a Guinea pig."

Mommy: "That'd be fine with me, but you have to convince your Dad."

Daddy: "Absolutely not! You have horses and goats and dogs! A Guinea pig is for people who can't have pets."

----

2014

Ariana: "I want a parakeet."

Mommy: "That'd be fine with me, but you have to convince your Dad."

Daddy: "Absolutely not! You have chickens! A parakeet is for people who can't have pets."

----

2015

Samuel: "I want a bunny."

Mommy: "That'd be fine with me, but you have to convince your Dad."

Daddy: "Absolutely not! You live on a farm! A bunny is for people who can't have pets."

----

2016

Honor: "I want a cat.  Mrs. V. wants to give me one of hers."

Mommy: "That'd be fine with me, but you have to convince your Dad."

Daddy: "Absolutely not! We already have cats."

----

Ariana: "I want a tarantula."

Mommy: "No. But if you can convince your dad, fine."

Daddy: "Sure. I don't care."

What????

Yes, I Said That

Samuel and Ariana were playing a game. Samuel stood in the middle of the floor and dodged markers that Ariana threw from the couch.

Me: "Go outside to play. And throw rocks at each other like normal kids."

Daddy Doesn't Want to Hear It!

Daddy: "I'm going to get Conan up from his nap now."

Ariana: "I want to get Conan up!"

Daddy: "No. He's MY baby. When you have your own baby you can get him up."

Ariana: "Do I LOOK like I'm about ready to give birth???"

...

Daddy: "Never say that again."

My Husband Makes Me Laugh

We just went on a family vacation to Yellowstone (and many other places). Yellowstone is beyond beautiful. I am so thankful that we had the opportunity to visit while the kids are young enough to still like hanging out with their parents (and grandparents), but old enough to actually remember this experience (except for Conan, but he's cute anyway). I'm not going to bore everyone with a litany of things that are difficult to put into words, but I must say, my husband makes me laugh.

Constantly.

He added humor to a tedious drive. Much of which I cannot share because it is lost in translation (I kept threatening to put a Go Pro on our dashboard to share him with the world and make millions, but  he counter-threatened to never speak in the car again).  However, two repeated "bits" have me laughing out loud days after he last spoke them. They will also lose a lot in translation, but since this blog is primarily for my own enjoyment, writing them down will keep me giggling for years to come. 

Ariana: "Deer!"

My poor, sweet daughter could never catch a break in Yellowstone. No matter how often she pointed out the deer in the  forests, Daddy never saw them. The children and I saw them, but the driver never did. So he pretended not to believe her.   

Ariana: "Deer!"

Mommy: "I see it!"

Daddy: "Your just making stuff up. Look, I can do it too. ... Fairy!"

...

Ariana: "There's another deer! Over there!"

Daddy: "Yep! Right up in the tree there! It's pink and sparkly!"

...

Ariana: "Deer!"

Daddy: "You might as well be shouting, 'bear!' It's just as believable."

Ariana: "But we haven't seen any bears yet!"

Daddy: "I haven't seen any deers either."

Ariana: "They're out there! I saw three!"

Daddy: "So are the bears. Gummi Bears. I hear they are dashing and daring. Some even say they are courageous and caring. Look! They're bouncing here! And there! And everywhere! It's high adventure that's beyond compare!"

By that point Ariana was getting frustrated--probably because she didn't understand why I was laughing so hard.

http://youtu.be/2HCjQbKowUo

Speaking of bears...

We only saw two bears...from a distance. And they were black bears. Super cute, but it would have been nice to see some of the grizzlies that they kept threatening would walk across the road at any moment. 

My kids are obviously too loud. 

But we were prepared for the encounter. We had bear spray. We had a gun. We had spare children to throw so the rest of us could get away... (just kidding--another one of Daddy's running jokes).

As we were driving to Yellowstone, I read the instructions from the National Park Service website (https://www.nps.gov/yell/learn/nature/bearreact.htm) and decided I never wanted to see a bear. Ever.

On the 2nd day into Yellowstone I read the newspaper the ranger handed us. There was an entire section on bear safety.

Reading aloud:

If you encounter a bear (most common)--slowly back away.

If the bear charges at you (rare)--stand your ground and use bear spray. 

Daddy: "or throw a kid and run."

If a bear charges and makes contact with you (very rare)--fall onto your stomach and "play dead"

Daddy: "shoot the bear."

If a bear stalks you, then attacks (extremely rare)--fight back

Daddy: "Stalks you??  What does that even look like? Should we be watching for bears behind trees? Will they stand up and all we'll see is their belly hanging out?  'Look over there! I think that bear is stalking us. No. Wait. That's just a tree with a big lump sticking off the side.' Will they be creeping along on their tiptoes? Should we listen for high pitched piano tinkling?"

He then mimicked this video:

I still giggle every time I think about it. 

Random Thought

While working on Language Arts...

Ariana: "Do you like Nancy, Mommy?"

Mommy: "Who?"

Ariana: "Nancy."

Mommy: "Who's Nancy? The author of the swing poem?"

Ariana: "No. NANCY. The lady from the Pollywood Show and the Turkey Races. I like her."

You know...the lady that entertained us for 30 minutes at the county fair three weeks ago. THAT Nancy.  

How does she even know her name?

Messy Chickens

Ariana burst through the milk shed door.

Ariana: "What chicken mess??"

Mommy: "What??"

Ariana: "What chicken mess?!"

Mommy: "What??"

Ariana: "What chicken mess!!"

Mommy: " I have no idea what you're talking about."

Ariana: "Ughhhh!!!"

She stomped away and slammed the door.

Either she's going crazy, or I am.

Miss Meanie

Ariana: "Mom, we have a mean chicken."

Mommy: "Which one?"

Ariana: "Miss Meanie."

Mommy: "And which one is that?"

Ariana: "The mean one. We call her Miss Meanie."

Mommy: "And what does Miss Meanie look like?"

Ariana: "She's the Production Red with the serious expression on her face."


Surprisingly enough, I know exactly which chicken she's talking about.

Karaoke

A while ago, Honor was invited to a girl's 10th birthday party where they performed karaoke. Everyone there was singing to popular songs such as "It's All About the Bass" and similar songs that spoke about sexual things whether directly or indirectly. Honor didn't know any of the songs and we left as soon as it wouldn't look rude.

Ariana received her "big" gift for her 10th birthday today. It was a karaoke machine. The girls are in the living room singing along with Frozen and My Little Pony.  

I couldn't be happier. 

Not Quite

Mommy: "I am going to run to the store really quick to pick up something so I can make you a surprise."

Ariana: "Oooooh!   What's the surprise!!  I won't tell the others!" 

(She's a liar...she told 5 minutes later...but I digress...)

Mommy: "It's REALLY cold outside. What do I like to drink on REALLY cold days?"

Ariana: "ICE CREAM!!!!!"

No. Hot chocolate. But you were close...

Love Her

This is why I love Ariana:

She knows the "truth" and still plays along.

That's MY girl!

Oh...That Explains It

...the reed will bend, but won't break. 

Mommy: "What does that mean in our lives?"

Luke: "I don't know what a reed is."

Ariana: "I know! A reed is a bulrush."

Yes, because if he doesn't know what a reed is, telling him it is a bulrush clarifies it perfectly...

Ewww That Smell

Ariana was helping me clean out the goat shed and repeatedly commenting on how much it stunk.

Ariana: "How many more wheelbarrows full until we're done?"

Mommy: "We have to keep shoveling until it no longer smells in here."

Ariana: "Well, it doesn't smell THAT bad in here."

Nice try...

Leaping Lizards!

Ariana came running in, super excited...

Ariana: "That tree on the other side of the orchard has hundreds of lizards on it!"

Me: "Really?  Hundreds??"

Ariana: "Yeah! Hundreds! Or maybe sixteen...or not that much because they move around and they're hard to count..."

Rounding had never been her strong suit...

Pool Party

I went to the grocery store today with all 5 of my children. I hate grocery shopping. It is even less fun when I get to bring ALL of my children. But we were out of cereal. And chips. So we went.

I pulled a muscle in my upper back/neck/shoulder area--basically my entire upper body was in pain--yet I carried my 30 pound toddler on my back anyway; it's easier than prying item after item out of his grubby little hands.  

My eldest daughter brought one whole dollar to spend on...something.  I was feeling extremely generous so when she asked if she could get nail polish, I said yes. She chose electric blue. I am the best mom ever.

My other daughter decided she wanted cough syrup. I had already given her cough syrup that morning. She hadn't coughed since I gave her the medicine. But since she wanted me to buy cough syrup, I had to endure asthma attack after asthma attack as we travelled the aisles.  She does not have asthma, but she does have an over-developed flair for the dramatic.

And my older boys...were being boys. All over the store. Until I decided I needed two carts. Race car driver Samuel pushed one and my eldest son was banished to the space between me and the cart. He was not pleased.  Neither was I. 

The store was being remodeled, which means I had absolutely no idea where anything was.  From the moment we left our house to the moment we returned, it was 3 hours.  THREE HOURS. One store. 

There were sales on a lot of snack food that Daddy likes. I bought a bunch because I intend to never go shopping again.  

When we first entered the store, we passed a sale on baby pools. "Please, Mommy!!  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!"  I looked at the price and thought of my ducks--the animals, not a cute nickname for my children. Since we were only 10 minutes into our trip and, as I mentioned, I was feeling generous, I said yes.  

After 2 1/2 hours, I had forgotten.  They had not. 

"Don't forget the pool!"

I was not feeling nearly as generous as before, but I had already said yes.  The thing was taller than me and did I mention my entire upper body hurt?  But I somehow managed to carry the thing to the cash register.  Thankfully the clerk offered to walk me, my 5 children, my two carts, and my pool out to my truck. Somehow I managed to shove all of that into the back of my SUV. The boys got to have a "pool hat" on the ride home. The girls were jealous.

After pleading with me the entire ride home, I agreed to allow them to play in the pool after Conan woke from his nap. 

4:53 rolled around.  I filled up the pool. They cheered and jumped in.  

5:15, Connor and Samuel were, dry, dressed, and playing on their Kindles.  Next came Ariana (who hadn't coughed once since leaving the store.). Honor played with Conan until 5:30.  Daddy brought Conan in the house at 5:35.

I am never leaving my house again. 

Watch Your Language

The boys typically work on their schoolwork with me in the milk shed  every morning. Today Samuel got a head start and finished his schoolwork before I'd finished milking my first goat. He happened to be studying Japan in his History and Geography.

Samuel: "Sayonara!" He waved as he exited the door, nearly bumping into Ariana as she collected eggs from the chicken coop.

Mommy: "Ohayo!"

Samuel: "No, Mom!  That means, 'hello'!"

Mommy: "Oh, sorry! Sayonara!  Je t'adore!"

Samuel: "Ariana, Mom wants you to shut the door."

Mommy: "No...Je t'adore...it means, "I love you' in French."

Samuel: "oooohhhh!  Okay!  Shut the door, Mommy!" 

And he ran back to the house.

...

Five minutes later, I heard Ariana close the hatch on the nesting box.  As she ran past the window she yelled, "Shut the door, Mommy!"

Well...at least they know Japanese.

Career Day

I am working with my kids, especially my older three, on goals for when they graduate. Nothing set in stone, of course, but I want to help gear their education to prepare them for the future. So far their life goals have been very dreamy: Ariana has wanted to be a singer, a chocolateer, and the owner of a Chinese restaurant with a play area.  Samuel still wants to be a race car driver. Connor wants to be a soldier or an astronaut.

Honor used to want to be a writer. I very much encouraged that goal.  Today, however, she changed course.

Honor: "I want to be a mom."

Not "just" a mom. She said it like it was a goal to be achieved--as if it were just as much of an accomplishment as being a doctor. 

When asked what she would do in the meantime, however, she responded, "dog walker"...

Reach for the stars, baby!

Thank You God

God, I thank you for Samuel's sweet innocence. May he never lose his tender heart.

God, I thank you for Ariana's passion and caring. May she never lose her desire to "mother" all living things; nor lose her joyful spirit.

God, I thank you for Connor's desire to entertain the masses. May he never lose his unique sense of humor.

God, I thank you for Honor's sense of...honor. May she never lose the desire to see good defeat evil.

God, I thank you for Conan's outgoing personality. May he continue to grow as a happy, active child, who looks up to his honorable, funny, caring, tender hearted siblings. May he always emulate their good and forget their faults...and mine. 

Taxes

Ariana and Honor have decided to go into business, incubating and hatching little chicks to sell.  They have written a cost analysis (which is how Honor was allowed to become a partner--start-up fees were a bit too pricey for Ariana alone), and they are journaling their experience to save for next year's county fair.   They have even struck a bargain with Aunt Steph to hatch some of her eggs and present them to her as friendly adults.  Every day, Ariana has me call Steph to find out the current egg count.  When there is a dozen, the incubation will begin.  In the meantime, Ariana is collecting her own eggs from our chickens.  She calls it a "chicken  tax" and follows them around to make sure "they pay up". I find this amusing.

That's Not Quite How It Works

Ariana's birthday is Nov. 26th.  She turned 9 on her last birthday.  She has been talking about the cake she wants at her next birthday since January.  Last month she decided to add in her gift.  "I know my birthday is 9 months away...but for my birthday I want a microphone."

This month, she just skipped her birthday  altogether.

Acquaintance: "How old are your kids again?"

Mommy: "Honor and Connor are 10, Ariana is 9..."

Ariana: "I'm 10 too!"

Mommy: "No you're not. You're 9."

Ariana: "Yes, but my birthday is this year so you can just call me 10."

I wonder if she'll still count that way when she turns 35...