That Backfired

2013

Honor: "I want a Guinea pig."

Mommy: "That'd be fine with me, but you have to convince your Dad."

Daddy: "Absolutely not! You have horses and goats and dogs! A Guinea pig is for people who can't have pets."

----

2014

Ariana: "I want a parakeet."

Mommy: "That'd be fine with me, but you have to convince your Dad."

Daddy: "Absolutely not! You have chickens! A parakeet is for people who can't have pets."

----

2015

Samuel: "I want a bunny."

Mommy: "That'd be fine with me, but you have to convince your Dad."

Daddy: "Absolutely not! You live on a farm! A bunny is for people who can't have pets."

----

2016

Honor: "I want a cat.  Mrs. V. wants to give me one of hers."

Mommy: "That'd be fine with me, but you have to convince your Dad."

Daddy: "Absolutely not! We already have cats."

----

Ariana: "I want a tarantula."

Mommy: "No. But if you can convince your dad, fine."

Daddy: "Sure. I don't care."

What????

My Husband Makes Me Laugh

We just went on a family vacation to Yellowstone (and many other places). Yellowstone is beyond beautiful. I am so thankful that we had the opportunity to visit while the kids are young enough to still like hanging out with their parents (and grandparents), but old enough to actually remember this experience (except for Conan, but he's cute anyway). I'm not going to bore everyone with a litany of things that are difficult to put into words, but I must say, my husband makes me laugh.

Constantly.

He added humor to a tedious drive. Much of which I cannot share because it is lost in translation (I kept threatening to put a Go Pro on our dashboard to share him with the world and make millions, but  he counter-threatened to never speak in the car again).  However, two repeated "bits" have me laughing out loud days after he last spoke them. They will also lose a lot in translation, but since this blog is primarily for my own enjoyment, writing them down will keep me giggling for years to come. 

Ariana: "Deer!"

My poor, sweet daughter could never catch a break in Yellowstone. No matter how often she pointed out the deer in the  forests, Daddy never saw them. The children and I saw them, but the driver never did. So he pretended not to believe her.   

Ariana: "Deer!"

Mommy: "I see it!"

Daddy: "Your just making stuff up. Look, I can do it too. ... Fairy!"

...

Ariana: "There's another deer! Over there!"

Daddy: "Yep! Right up in the tree there! It's pink and sparkly!"

...

Ariana: "Deer!"

Daddy: "You might as well be shouting, 'bear!' It's just as believable."

Ariana: "But we haven't seen any bears yet!"

Daddy: "I haven't seen any deers either."

Ariana: "They're out there! I saw three!"

Daddy: "So are the bears. Gummi Bears. I hear they are dashing and daring. Some even say they are courageous and caring. Look! They're bouncing here! And there! And everywhere! It's high adventure that's beyond compare!"

By that point Ariana was getting frustrated--probably because she didn't understand why I was laughing so hard.

http://youtu.be/2HCjQbKowUo

Speaking of bears...

We only saw two bears...from a distance. And they were black bears. Super cute, but it would have been nice to see some of the grizzlies that they kept threatening would walk across the road at any moment. 

My kids are obviously too loud. 

But we were prepared for the encounter. We had bear spray. We had a gun. We had spare children to throw so the rest of us could get away... (just kidding--another one of Daddy's running jokes).

As we were driving to Yellowstone, I read the instructions from the National Park Service website (https://www.nps.gov/yell/learn/nature/bearreact.htm) and decided I never wanted to see a bear. Ever.

On the 2nd day into Yellowstone I read the newspaper the ranger handed us. There was an entire section on bear safety.

Reading aloud:

If you encounter a bear (most common)--slowly back away.

If the bear charges at you (rare)--stand your ground and use bear spray. 

Daddy: "or throw a kid and run."

If a bear charges and makes contact with you (very rare)--fall onto your stomach and "play dead"

Daddy: "shoot the bear."

If a bear stalks you, then attacks (extremely rare)--fight back

Daddy: "Stalks you??  What does that even look like? Should we be watching for bears behind trees? Will they stand up and all we'll see is their belly hanging out?  'Look over there! I think that bear is stalking us. No. Wait. That's just a tree with a big lump sticking off the side.' Will they be creeping along on their tiptoes? Should we listen for high pitched piano tinkling?"

He then mimicked this video:

I still giggle every time I think about it. 

You Have a Point

Our nephew was convinced that he didn't like goat's milk.

Daddy: "More people in the world drink goat milk than cow milk. It is way healthier for you. It is like me offering you purified bottled water, but you would rather drink from a lake."

Connor: "Probably most prisoners in jail drank cow milk when they were kids."

Daddy: "That's true..."

Luke quickly decided he should drink the milk placed before him.

The world is a much safer place with goat's milk.

Stranger Danger

Daddy felt horrible this evening as he accidentally reenacted the video at the end of this post. After putting the big kids to bed, Daddy took a shower, and then decided to do a bit of grooming. When he was finished, he could hear that Conan was still awake, so he wanted to surprise me with his new look.  He figured Conan would be okay.  

He was wrong.

Conan cried for almost ten minutes and would have nothing to do with Daddy until he brought out the "big guns"-- sherbet ice cream. Apparently that convinced him that the stranger that shared Daddy's voice, might actually be Daddy in disguise. Their relationship has been saved and Conan should manage to sleep tonight without nightmares...hopefully.

http://youtu.be/61AWnBVuJL0

My Hero

We love our chickens.  They give yummy eggs and hours of entertainment. Ariana especially loves the chickens. She has named every one  of them… even though half of them look identical to me.  

So today when I walked past the horse trough and saw one of them floating at the top, I knew she was going to be heartbroken. I flew to the chicken's rescue, fished it out of the water, and began beating its back, desperate to make it cough up water. The chicken blinked once or twice and I had hope that it might survive this traumatic experience.

I called for Daddy.

He came running out from the shop. I love my animals. Ariana adores  her chickens. He loves us. He knew what he had to do. 

There was no hesitation.  

He gave the chicken mouth to mouth...or mouth to beak.

I have never loved that man more than in that instant. 

Five minutes later, he had the chicken wrapped in a towel, cuddled against his chest, trying to warm her little body.  The chicken (which Ariana tearfully explained was named Sunshine) blinked slowly a few times, but the ordeal proved too much for her to handle.  With a dramatic death scene that would have made Hitchcock proud, Sunshine stiffened and went to poultry heaven.

We did not eat her.

Rainy Day Humor

Me: "I can't believe how much water we got! Look! The wheelbarrow is half full!"

Daddy: "...or is it half empty?"

I guess I'm just an optimist.

Grand Champion

Daddy: "Look at all the trophies I have." (From playing video games on Playstation)

Mommy: "1899???"

Daddy: "Yeah."

Mommy: "Wow...that's sad..."

Samuel: "No. That's COOL!"

boys...

Puppy Love

Our sweet English Springer Spaniel, Jasmine, passed away last June from liver failure, leaving a hole in Daddy's heart. She was a good dog, a loyal companion, always eager to please.

After grieving, Daddy decided the best way to fill this hole in his heart was to get a new hunting companion, but there is only one kind of dog worth having in his mind.

We immediately began the search for a springer breeder in Arizona.  Springers are typically Midwestern dogs, where pheasant hunting abounds, but there were a few advertised in Arizona. Knowing Conan would be arriving soon, I insisted we wait at least until spring before getting a new puppy. Daddy reluctantly acquiesced. We put our name on the waiting list for a spring puppy.

A little over a month ago, a friend of mine volunteered for a couple of dog rescues--one of which was a springer rescue. Thinking it was a long shot, I put our name on a list there as well, specifying that we were only interested in puppies. I never received a reply.

On Tuesday, I was randomly checking my email at 3 am when I ran across a message from the springer rescue. Apparently my email had gone into her spam folder and she had just randomly checked it. Just that morning a puppy had come into the rescue. She was. 12 week old, AKC liver and white springer, were we interested? It was a little sooner than anticipated, but...

YES!!!

It was about all I could do not to wake up Daddy and tell him the good news.  As it was, I kept whispering, "Are you awake?" and "Puppy!" over and over again, hoping he'd wake up.

The next morning we began the official adoption process. Gracie was surrendered to the rescue because of suspected "springer rage syndrome"...she bites.  She's a puppy! The previous owners' ignorance of puppy behavior is our gain. The truly remarkable thing was Gracie had come from the original breeder we'd selected...just $450 cheaper!

Daddy brought her home last night. She looks remarkably like Jasmine as a puppy.  Daddy immediately fell in love. So far we've seen nothing but typical puppy behavior, although her bark is quite gremlin-like.

So now I have a 4 month old baby and a 3 month old puppy.

I must be crazy.

Husband Quote

"I need you to keep Sophie and Oscar in the computer room with you and shut the door tonight. It's not funny when you are playing a scary video game and a black cat comes running from the shadows to jump up on your shoulder."

I don't know why, but visualizing my husband being scared by our female kitten on multiple occasions made me laugh for a good five minutes straight.

The Muppets

Daddy was sitting down for the evening, trying to turn on a movie the whole family would enjoy.

Daddy: "How about "The Muppets Movie?"

Connor: "Yes!"

All the other children: "NOOOO!!!"

Samuel: "We don't like the muppets!"

Ariana: "The muppets scare Honor!"

Honor: "The muppets give me nightmares!"

Ariana: "I don't like the crazy one with chains. He's scary!"

Honor, Samuel, Ariana: "No muppets!!!"


...


Guess what came in the mail yesterday?  The Muppets

Epic fail Mom. 

Remodeling

My floor looked like this:

over my entire living area.  Although not perfectly clean here, it is not horribly dirty. It just always looked dirty. Who in their right mind chooses to put down white porcelain tile with a faint "paw print" pattern over the entire floor when they live in the country???

So, you understand why we had to remodel the floor.  Red oak hardwood was our choice. Lovely.


The cover of our dishwasher was warped and fell off when you opened the door--unless you are smart like me and used electrical tape to hold it on--then it stayed in place for a whole week without falling off. The inside had also started to rust, so it was only logical that we replace the dishwasher at the same time that we laid down the new flooring.

But then it got interesting.

See, when Daddy took the dishwasher out from under the counter, he realized why the door cover kept falling off: the steam from the dishwasher over time had warped the laminate counter top causing it to hang down just slightly over the edge so that it hit the cover and busted the inside piece. When he removed the dishwasher, he removed part of the laminate.

So we needed new countertops.

Then, while working on the floor, Daddy realized that parts of the tile had been laid on plywood because they covered the basement, while small areas were laid on cement. The little alcoves in front of the guest room and office would need to have the wood glued down.  The front entryway would need new tile. But what to do with the recessed area in front of the bay window?


I get a window seat!

The day after my husband finished laying most of the floor, our refrigerator broke--most likely shifted something around when putting in the flooring. It was 15 years old anyway; time for a replacement. So we loaded the children into the car, dropped them off at Grandma's and headed to the appliance store. About 3 miles from the store, a kind gentleman pulled up next to us at a stoplight and alerted us to the fact that our tire was very low on air.  We pulled into the next gas station and as Daddy filled it with air, he heard the air leaving. We had minutes to find a new tire store.

We rolled into the parking lot of a tire place on the rim and decided to replace all four tires--they needed it.  While we waited, we walked 2 miles in 107* heat to the appliance store to pick out our refrigerator. It will be delivered today. The salesman kindly drove us back to the tire store and we made it home safely.

So...

What do you get when you choose to remodel your floor?

A new hardwood floor,
A new dishwasher,
New countertops,
New tile in the entryway,
A window seat,
A refrigerator,
And four new tires.

I asked my husband if that meant we were done remodeling for the next few years. His answer:

"Well, except I would like to get a new stove top next year..."


Sigh.

10 Things I Love About My Husband

Well, my friend Emily hosts a blog for newlyweds (that non-newlyweds are welcome to visit). On her blog she shared about the 90/10 rule in marriage: Focus on the 90% of things that we love about our spouse and try not to focus on the 10% that drives us crazy. (Good rule for any relationship really...)

She put a challenge out there to post 10 things we love about our husbands up each Tuesday in November and then link back to her post. I'm not sure about the linky thing and...it is Wednesday, but I am always willing to gush about my husband to all who will listen. So, without further ado, here is my list:

1. I love that he is handy. If there is something that needs fixed, he will figure out a way to fix it.
2. I love that he is a quick learner.
3. I love that he genuinely wants to do what is right.
4. I love that when we argue, even if he doesn't agree at the moment, he listens and stores it away...and sometimes changes his mind days later and argues my point with someone else. (Does it count that this is also part of the 10% that drives me crazy???  I think it does since it is what makes him who he is...)
5. I love that we don't have to communicate verbally to understand what each other are thinking.
6. I love the way he resists the urge to drink directly from the carton of milk because he knows it grosses me out.
7. I love that my husband considers me to be valuable; something to protect and cherish.
8. I love it that although he has not read my book, he is certain that it is worthy of publishing and he brags about it to everyone we know.
9. I love that when I ask him to do something, he does it...sometimes even without complaining!
10. I love that a simple hug from him lightens my burden and makes me feel whole.

 

So, now it's your turn. Head over to Newlywed's Bliss and make your list too!

Facing Realities

This is verbatim the conversation my family had in the car while driving home from church.


Connor: ♫♪♫ Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...♫♪♫ That's your favorite song, isn't it, Mom?

Mommy: Yep.

Connor: Mom YOU sing a song.

Samuel: ♫♪♫ Pizza Maker is greaaaattt! I love Pizza Maker! ♫♪♫

Connor: That's not a song!

Daddy: It is if he sings it. If it is sung, then it's a song.

Samuel: ♫♪♫ Pizza Maker is great. And I Love Santa Claaauuusss. ♫♪♫

Ariana: ♫♪♫ I Love Santa Claus because he gives presents.♫ ♪♫

Honor: Santa is dead.

Connor: No. That's St. Nicholas.

Ariana: ♫♪♫ I'm talking about the new one... ♫♪♫

Samuel: ♫♪♫ Yeah, the new Santa Claus. ♫♪♫


My life is sort of a Broadway musical. A VERY random musical.

Eight Years? Really? That's All?

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

--------------------------------------------------------

I cannot believe that it has only been 8 years since I married the most amazing man on the planet (that has not ascended to Heaven...no candle near the most amazing man EVER). He is kind, loving, loyal, and HANDY. My husband can do anything! He is dependable and always there to lend a helping hand to anyone who needs it. He has a good sense of humor--although don't tell him I said that, or he will expect me to laugh at his lame jokes.

He is a great provider, but balances it with being there for us always. When he was self-employed, he had a customer that was demanding that he work on a day when he had planned to take a vacation that had meant a lot to me. His business partner told him that unfortunately he needed to cancel the vacation. He told his partner, "if it's between my wife and the customer, there is no competition." (He worked 3 12-hour days instead to make sure the customer was taken care of because he is also a hard worker.)

But there has been a lot of changes in the last 8 years. We went from being married with 1 dog and 1 chinchilla; to married with 2 dogs, 3 chinchillas and 1 teenage "son"; to adding in a daughter and two more chinchillas; to moving to Arizona, having our "son" move out, but adding in a "twin" son and another daughter; losing a couple of chinchillas and a dog, but gaining another son; to finally moving to my dream home and adding another dog, 2 horses, 3 cats, 6 chickens and borrowing 7 cows. That's a lot to happen in 8 years!

So when I think about it and realize it has only been 8 years, it just seems...off. It feels like my husband has always been there with me and for me. We know each other's stories so well that at times it feels like we really have always been together. We are one. A team...or to be more accurate, he is the captain of our cruise ship and I am his first mate.

I have learned a lot in the last 8 years, but the most important lesson--and the hardest to achieve--was to let him lead. God gave woman the role of helper. God gave Adam the responsibility of caring for the Garden, but he could not do it alone, so God created a helper. God did not create a leader for Adam--he already had that. God gave him someone to help him with the tasks that God had laid out for him. In our case, I am here to help him with caring for the responsibilities of the home and all that that entails. But in the end, HE is the one that is responsible. HE will be the one that has to answer to God about how well he did with the responsibilities he was given.

It's not always easy. In fact, sometimes it is outright hard! It is part of the curse after all, for women to want to take on the role of leader. God did not say life would be easy, but I have found that when I follow the plan that God lays out in the Bible, life is easier. I call on God often for His help in submitting to my husband's will. And the more I do that, the more I trust my husband's judgment. The more I trust my husband's judgment, the more my love for him grows and frankly, the happier I am.

I know that sounds old-fashioned. In fact, many people bristle when I tell them that I submit to my husband's authority. "What? You are equals! This is not the 19th century. Women work outside the home. Women can do anything a man can do. You don't need to submit to any man. In fact, he should submit to you. You know more what is going on with the kids than he does." But again, I am his helper--his assistant if you will.

Before we were married, and during the first two years of our marriage, I was an administrative assistant for a large company in Iowa. My boss was the 2nd VP of Human Resources. I went to many of her meetings, typed up all the notes for all her meetings, was an intermediary between her and her employees, and between her and her boss. I prepared her powerpoints, made chart after chart for her presentations and even gave her some talking points. I knew before she did when someone was wanting to quit. I knew as soon as she did when there would be cutbacks. I was her "right hand man". I was given a lot of responsibility. But no one ever suggested that she should submit to my authority. I ran the ship, but she was in charge. I view my marriage similarly. I am my husband's assistant and I will help him however I can, but in the end, he is the authority.

I have found that the more I submit to his leadership, the more he actually leads. When I try demanding the way the house should be run, his back gets up and a rift comes between us. When I give my opinion, but allow him to have the final say, 9 times out of 10, he will choose to go the way I wanted in the first place. And the more that I respect his decisions, the more he shows his love for me by seeking my best interest. It is a very good cycle.

Oh, my husband frustrates me...often, but I have no doubts of his love for me. He cares for his family with a fierce protectiveness and I know that if I trust him--trust him as the authority that God has placed over me and PRAY for him daily--he will do what's best for us.

We're not perfect by any stretch of the word. We are two sinners, living in a sinful world, with temptations around every turn. But it is God that binds us together and "a cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

I love my husband. My husband loves me. And I anticipate the next 50, 60, 70 years (should the Lord tarry) with joy.



.

I'm a Boy

.

I will not state what it is my husband did that required this conversation...however, if you think about what tomorrow is, you might be able to figure it out...

Mommy: "You need to state the "Red Green" pledge.

Daddy: "I'm a man. But I can change. If I have to. I guess."

Connor: "Good thing I'm a boy."

.

Another Dinner Conversation

.
Connor: When I get older, I will be a man.

Mommy: mmmhmmm

Connor: When I am a man, I can get married.

Daddy: mmmhmmm

Connor: And when I am a man and I get married, then I will have a baby.

Daddy: Looks like you have it all figured out son. Who are you going to marry?

Connor: Well, I guess I will have to marry Mommy.

Daddy: You can't marry Mommy...she's already married to me.

Connor: Well, I guess I will have to marry Honor.

Mommy: You can't marry Honor...she's your sister.

Connor: But when she grows up, she will be a woman.

Mommy: But she will still be your sister. We don't live in Arkansas.

Daddy: You can't marry your sister son.

Connor: Well, who can I marry then?

Mommy: How about Abigail from church?

Daddy: Nope. She'll be in Africa.

Mommy: Oh right. Okay. How about Emma. Nope, she's older than you. Okay. Aliyah.

Connor: Okay. I'll marry Aliyah.

Mommy: And Honor, you are going to marry Addison.

Honor: No! I don't like Addison!

Daddy: Good girl. You're not going to marry Addison.

Honor: No. I don't like boys! I like girls!

Daddy: I'm sorry dear. Girls don't marry girls...at least not in AZ. You'll have to move to Iowa.

Mommy glares daggers at Daddy for daring to insult her "home state".

Honor: I can't move to Iowa...they have dogs!


...and that is why I feel it is important to eat dinner as a family.

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No Protector = Little Sleep

.

My husband is gone for the week (on a mission trip building a church in Mexico), and my dog is on full-alert. This equals very little sleep for Mommy. I still don't know what she felt she needed to bark at and chase out of my room at 3 a.m....

On a side note, I obviously felt the need to check on all of my kids and found Connor buck naked in a pool of urine, having ripped off his overnight diapers sometime in the 3 hours since I last checked on him at midnight (when his diaper was on and dry). I woke him up, put his pull-ups back on him, got a towel from the bathroom, laid it over the wet spot and told him to go back to bed because that's the kind of mom I am...
.

Hair No More

Daddy had a goatee for the last month or so. Mommy did not like kissing Daddy's goatee. Mommy asked Daddy to trim his goatee so it was not so bushy. Daddy decided to shave it off. This was a large topic of conversation this morning.

Daddy was lying on the couch when the children came downstairs for breakfast...

Connor: "Mommy, is that Daddy?"
Mommy: "Yes! Who else would it be?"
Connor: "Oh. It is Daddy."
Honor: "Daddy cut off his hair on his face. Look, Connor, Daddy cut off his uh, uh,...come here! Let me show you!" (dragging Connor behind her)
When they got over to Daddy, Connor wouldn't go near him.
Daddy: "See! He's scared of me now!"
Connor: "Daddy, where is your hair?"
Daddy: "I shaved it off...see...feel."
Connor: "Oh. It feels smooth"

Throughout breakfast Connor repeatedly remarked that Daddy had shaved off his beard.

Daddy will be growing his goatee back now. Apparently he thinks he looks like a kid. (Yes...pun intended).

I'm Serious!

The conversation between Daddy and Honor went like this:

"Honor, turn around and sit on your bottom"

"Daddy, don't eat Samuel"

"I'm not eating Samuel I'm playing with him"

"Don't eat the baby, share the baby" (a quote from Chef Pig on Word World..."don't eat the food, share the food")

"Honor, TURN AROUND and eat your food!"

"You're not the boss of me!" (a quote from Daddy)

"I am too the boss of you, now turn around and sit down"

"Stop teasing me Daddy!"

"I am not teasing you...TURN AROUND AND SIT DOWN!"

"Stop teasing me Daddy, I'm serious!"

Daddy and Mommy burst into giggles...we couldn't help ourselves. After Daddy regained his composure, he had Honor apologize for being disrespectful. She finally turned around and ate her food.

I MISS MY HUSBAND!!!

He works swing shift so I don't get to spend evenings with him. Then his mustang's brakes broke so he's been spending every morning working on that. So I've only spent about 30 minutes with him every day this week and that was spent with him eating lunch and taking a quick shower before diving out the door so he wasn't late for his carpool! :-(