Feliz Navidad

Today, after church, my kids were eager to share the new song they'd learned.

Ariana:

"Hey, Mommy! Do you like the Police Duckie Duck song?"

Jesus Says So

Samuel's new favorite phrase is: "Jesus wants us to share." This was not something that Daddy or I taught him, although I wouldn't be surprised if an older sibling imparted such wisdom when Samuel had something they wanted...

Anyway, this phrase is awfully hard to resist when spoken in Samuel voice. It is hard not to hand over the keys to the family truck when faced with such obscene cuteness.

A few days ago, Samuel added another phrase to his repertoire.

Daddy was eating his breakfast when Samuel sidled up next to him. Leftover on the table from the night before was a half-eaten bag of popcorn. Samuel looked at the bag of popcorn, then he looked up at Daddy.

"Hmmm...that looks like popcorn," Samuel remarked, lifting one eyebrow in the dramatic way that I envy (I am unable to lift my eyebrows independently of each other).

"Mmmhmmm," was Daddy's reply.

Samuel looked at the bag, then back up at Daddy. "Can I have some?"

"Mmmhmmm."

Samuel happily began munching away. Honor came upstairs and sat down beside Samuel. Honor looked at the popcorn, then she looked at Samuel.

"Can I have some?" she asked her younger brother.

"Sure!" He reached in the bag and enthusiastically handed her one kernel, then he ate one.

"Can I have some more?" she asked again, holding out her hand.

"Sure!" He reached in, grabbed one kernel, handed it to her and then ate another one.

Honor was getting a bit impatient by that point. Rather than asking a third time, Honor simply reached in the bag.

"Hey!" came Samuel's outraged little voice. "Jesus says no more!"


I think I like sharing better....

She Just Wants to Be Included

It is Sunday afternoon, which equates to family naptime. The children have been tucked into their beds. Honor is lying between Mommy and Daddy in hopes that she might actually fall asleep. Mommy and Daddy begin discussing Samuel's potty training issue of the day:

Daddy: "Do you think he will poop his pants during naptime today?"

Mommy: "I don't think so. I put him in one of those cheap diapers just to be on the safe side. I think we are just going to have to cut out naps altogether until he starts pooping regularly during the day."

Daddy: "Yeah, but I really don't want to. He needs them."

Mommy: "I don't think it will be too long. He just needs to get into the habit of going after lunch."

Daddy: "Did we not praise him enough when he went those few times? Why hasn't he gone on the toilet since then?"

Mommy: "Yeah, we praised him enough...he's just got in the habit of going at naptime and we just need to break him of it."

...

Honor, throwing her blankie dramatically over her head: "UGH!!! Can we please talk about something else!?!"



She is such a teenager...

Our Adoption Story: Part 10...Adopting Connor and Ariana

(If you missed the beginning of our story, you may go back to it HERE)

Two and a half years after we began our journey through foster care, we started the adoption process--we were the only ones being considered. Once again, we had Aunt and Uncle to thank. Aunt called the GAL and Case Worker and told them that no one else should adopt the kids. From what they had witnessed, the kids were bonded to us. We were their parents in their eyes and it would be cruel to remove them from our care. Since Aunt and Uncle were number one on the adoption list, their opinion carried great weight. No one contested it.

We were told that we could change the children's names at that time if we would like. We felt it would be strange to suddenly call them by completely new first names, so we just changed the spelling. Conner became "Connor" and Airianna became "Ariana". Thankfully I already liked their meanings! (Connor means "wise counselor" and Ariana means "holy one"--or as I say, "set apart for God".) Shortly after we were told we could change their names, Ariana turned 3 and I wrote the following at the end of a birthday blog post:

When we finally adopt her, her middle name will officially change to Jane. She is very proud of her middle name which the case worker told me we could go ahead and start getting her used to. Because I never liked her middle name before, I never called her by it. I called Connor, Connor Owen; Honor, Honor Elizabeth; and Samuel, Samuel Ai...but she was always just Ariana. Within a few days of calling her Ariana Jane, she became very possessive of it. If I called her just Ariana, she would stand up straight and demand, "No. Not Iana! Iana JANE!" I love hearing her say "Iana Jane."

Jane means "God is Gracious". God has been so Gracious throughout this whole process. He graciously brought her out of a horrible situation where she had little hope of survival and even less hope of a meaningful future. He graciously helped her to thrive in our care. He graciously blessed our family with a daughter that loves to play with her siblings and is growing more and more fun every day. And He graciously blessed my life with a beautiful child who brightens my every day; from the "MOMMY!!" first thing in the morning, to the "I love you Mommy! Goodnight!" last thing every night and every second in between.

God is so Gracious!

The adoption process seemed to take forever! We had to get a new licensing worker for the adoption portion, and then once again it was necessary to fill out gobs of paperwork, redo homestudies, physicals, etc. Then we had to actually wait for an adoption hearing date.

Finally--nine months after Birth Mom's severance occurred--on tax day (and Steph's anniversary!) 2009, we officially adopted Connor Owen and Ariana Jane into our family. You can read about one of the best days of my life HERE.

From the start of our foster care experience to the day we adopted was three years and 1 month. Connor went from being an 18 month old boy who could barely walk and talk, to a handsome four year old who could read and run with the best of them. Ariana went from a baby who was practically starving to death, to a beautiful three year old who sang, danced, played and LOVED with the best of them.

God chose to reveal a lot to me in the last four...almost five years. (Boy time flies!) God is in control. He knows ALL, He sees ALL, He loves ALL, and He has a plan for each and every one of us. God loves my children more than I could ever dream of loving them. He created them. He knew them in their mother's womb. He knew then the plans He had for them.

And I can't wait to see what they are.

Our Adoption Story: Part 9... Severance...Sometime...

Two years after Conner and Airianna were placed in our home, it finally happened...the case plan was changed from reunification to severance of parental rights/adoption. Neither Birth Mom nor her boyfriend had done a single drug test, and she was no closer to providing evidence that she had completed any of the other requirements. This did not mean that severance had happened, just that the case plan had been changed. It was now up to CPS to prove that severance should happen.

For the next six months, visits would continue as normal. During this time, Birth Mom had the opportunity to make a deal with the state. If she would voluntarily terminate her rights, she would have a say in who adopted the kids and she could make bargains (i.e. she could ask to visit the kids during holidays, write letters, etc.). Birth Mom opted not to terminate her rights. This is a good thing, since I am pretty certain she would not have chosen us. I found out later that Birth Mom had called all of her family and attempted to feed them false information to try to vilify me. Some of the weirder things she told them were that I was a "dirty Mexican," and that I was a "hippie." Neither of which is even remotely true, but she thought if she could make her family think the kids were in a "bad environment," they would adopt them out from under me. Then she would have them sign them back over to her after it was all over (which is obviously illegal).

Thankfully Aunt was on our side. Aunt and Uncle had already formally declined with the specification that the kids should be adopted by us and if for some reason that is not possible, then they would adopt them. Then they contacted all of the other family members and set the record straight against the lies being told by Birth Mom. Aunt told them that they had met us in person and the kids were doing great. She also told them that Conner and Airianna were obviously bonded to us and that we should adopt them.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE Aunt and family???

Six months later, I was prepared to go to court. The GAL had asked me to speak on behalf of the children at the severance hearing. I wasn't to speak negatively about Birth Mom, I was only going to be there to talk about how well the kids were doing in my care. I was excited. It was the first time I would be allowed to be at one of the hearings.

The hearings were scheduled to last four days. I was supposed to go on the second day, but I didn't have to go. The court ordered severance on the first day of the hearing...Birth Mom did not show up at the trial--her lawyer did, but the lawyer could not get a hold of her all day to get her there. That typically would be immediate severance, but the judge wanted to give every opportunity to make sure all the loopholes were covered, so he listened to the three witnesses that were called for that first day (the Case Worker, the CPS worker who originally removed the kids, and the psychiatrist). It took the full day, but in the end, the judge ruled that because she did not show up, because of the original neglect with no real improvement in parenting skills, because she was not in compliance with any of the tasks she was assigned, because of the many lies the court had caught her in, and because of her borderline personality disorder, she was unfit to raise the children and her parental rights had been severed. Later I would find out just how far away from completing her assignments she had been--for example, she only had to work 20 hours a week. When the time sheets were subpoenaed from her supervisor, it showed that she was only working 13 hours...a MONTH. (Yet, she couldn't make up a visit any other day... yes, that still irks me, but then I remember how God used that... Once again God shows that He knows all and I do not.)

After the trial, she had 15 days to appeal, but unless she could prove that something really tragic had happened (like she was hit by a bus), they would not grant it. She did appeal, and it was declined. Then we still had to wait until Airianna's dad's parental ties were officially severed before starting the adoption process. He had proven abandonment already, but it went to court anyway three months later. Thankfully he did not contest severance. Once that was over, the court ordered severance for all John Doe's out there...just in case someone came out of the woodwork to claim paternity rights.

Once severance had occurred, Birth Mom was granted two more "goodbye" visits. These were supervised and took place at the CPS office. The last one was accompanied by a sheriff...just in case. It was very emotional and I allowed Birth Mom to have as much time as she needed with the kids. She cried quite a bit, but she didn't drag it out very long. I do not doubt that she loved Conner and Airianna--it is virtually impossible not to--but unfortunately she loved herself a little more at that point. Someday I pray she gets her life in order, but I hear from Aunt and Great Grandma that "someday" has not arrived yet. I will be praying for her. She is often in my thoughts.


Part 10

Our Adoption Story: Part 8...Blessings in Disguise

A little over a year and a half into our foster care experience, it appeared as if nothing was ever going to change. Despite the recommendation from CPS, the Foster Care Review Board, the Guardian ad Lidem, and the Birth Mom's refusal to cooperate with the judge's orders, he continually gave her more chances. It was frustrating to say the least. Aunt became increasingly more vocal on our behalf, volunteering information that she learned from other family members and Birth Mom's social network pages to help with the case for severance.

Then a visit was missed. One of the children got sick and the visit needed to be rescheduled. Except Birth Mom claimed that she couldn't make up a visit any day except our normal visit day. Ignoring all of the recommendations, the judge agreed that Birth Mom could have an 8 hour make-up visit--with only one hour supervised. To say I was scared would be an understatement. But my God is greater than my fears.

I got the kids ready to go for the visit, then took several pictures of them in their current outfits--just in case. We drove out to the visit and I dropped them off. Daddy would pick them up around dinner time at the CPS office. I brought Honor and Samuel back home with me and tried not to worry. At 6 pm, Daddy picked Conner and Airianna up. Although covered in food stains, both kids were fine. Conner came home with a pirate tattoo and a smile. When they got home an hour later, I fed them quickly and put them to bed. It seemed that the outing was a success. I breathed a sigh of relief. It came too soon.

The next morning Honor made the mistake of taking Conner's chair while I was in the kitchen making breakfast. I heard her screaming and ran to check out what had happened. My barely three year old son was sitting on top of my barely three year old daughter wailing on her with his fists with all the strength he possessed. I literally had to pull him off her. I was shocked. Conner was (is) a fairly mild-mannered boy. Yes, he would do typical kid fights--shoving when someone takes a toy, etc.--but I had never seen him act out this maliciously with so much rage. Even when we first got him and he bit, it was more to get a reaction than anything. This was completely unlike anything I'd ever witnessed from him (or any other three year old).

I called the Case Worker and told him what Conner had done. For me it was fairly obvious that something had happened at the visit. The Case Worker agreed and based off my phone call immediately revoked the unsupervised visits. Birth Mom would still have four hour visits, but they would be supervised from then on. Birth Mom was not pleased.

The following week I drove the kids out for their visit. When I arrived, I was told to drive around for a little while and the Case Worker would call me when they were ready. I saw Birth Mom and her parents arguing with the Case Worker outside the front doors and knew something was not quite right. Twenty minutes later, the visit had been canceled. If the visit had to be supervised, Birth Mom would not do it.

She skipped the following week as well.

The third week she finally agreed to the supervised visit, but she required that all four hours happen at McDonald's.

After the second supervised visit, the Parent Aid came out and had a talk with me.

"Um, I know that you don't watch movies with cursing in it, but have you been around anyone lately that has been cursing a lot?" The Parent Aid was a Christian and we had often talked about our faith while waiting for Birth Mom to show up. She knew enough about me to know that I wouldn't allow filthy language around the kids, but she had to ask.

I even laughed a little. "No. No one uses that kind of language around us."

"Maybe at the mall play area or the park or something?"

Now I was getting a little worried. "No. I'm around the kids at the park and the mall. If someone was cursing around them, I would have heard it. Why? What happened?"

"Well, while Airianna and Conner were playing in the play area, a little girl came by and pushed Airianna. Conner walked up to her, shoved her, and called her an 'F'in B' and then proceeded to use the F-word four more times in the correct context. [Birth Mom] claims that she has no idea where he heard it. I witnessed her telling her friend not to curse around the kids today, but I don't know what happened before I was here. She thought that he must have seen it at a mall play area (even she would not accuse you directly of cursing around him)."

My heart broke. To some this may not seem like a big deal, but for me this was akin to verbal abuse. That my son had heard the word was upsetting to me. I wanted him to remain innocent as long as possible. That he had heard the word used enough that he was able to use it in the correct context made me want to cry.

I told the Parent Aid that I had no idea where he'd heard that language, but I would let her know if he used it at home. He never did. Not once. To this day.

The following week I had his three year well-doctor appointment. I asked the doctor about it and he confirmed my suspicions. The doctor believed that Conner must have heard it used frequently during visits and thought it was appropriate to use it there, which is why he never used it at home. And it would also explain why, after that visit (when the Parent Aid told him not to say that word again), he never used it again there either.

I will never know what happened the day of the eight hour visit, but I would not be surprised to find out that Birth Mom got in a fist fight in front of the kids. I have seen pictures that she posted of her fighting for the fun of it. She confided in me that she cursed out a woman at McDonald's because her kid pushed Airianna out of the way before going down the slide. It is not very hard for me to imagine a scenario where fighting in front of the kids was "necessary" in her mind. But I am thankful for it. Finally she was forced into a situation where her actions would be recorded and she could no longer hide behind her manipulations.

Once the visits became supervised, the kids' disposition upon coming home changed. It was like night and day. No longer did they throw temper tantrums for an entire day after coming back from a visit. No longer did they come home dirty. In fact, visits *almost* became something to look forward to. The kids had fun and they were relatively safe. I trusted the Parent Aid.

The only real "negative" to having supervised visits was that the Parent Aid actually did her job. She encouraged Birth Mom to learn parenting skills--which was a wonderful thing. And she encouraged Conner to call Birth Mom "Mommy." I was conflicted about this. Up until that point, he hadn't called her anything. On one hand, she was his mother. On the other hand, I didn't want to confuse him. Surprisingly enough, he never seemed confused.

When Conner talked about the visits, he talked about Parent Aid. He would say he was going to "Parent Aid's" visit, (we just said he was going to "visit"). He would also say he was going to "Parent Aid's house" (which I thought was cute). He would talk about the activities that he did with Parent Aid. Even Airianna started doing that. Conner mentioned his grandpa and grandma often. But until the very end, I never heard him say anything about his mom (without her being right there). In fact, I can only remember him mentioning her a couple of times and only in the last few months before severance. When he did mention her, he would say, "the other Mommy gave me..." not, "my Mommy." It was as if Mommy was her name, not who she was.

At the two year mark, the judge finally ordered Birth Mom to take drug tests. The kids were not removed for drugs so it was not part of her program. The judge ordered tests for both her and her boyfriend because of some suspicious activity that uncovered--mostly because of her love of raves. He also requested another hearing in three months--two years is considered a very long time to wait for permanency for children that young. He wanted to see progress in three months or he would move for severance.

Birth Mom did not listen to his warnings.


Part 9

Toy Cars Are Dangerous

About a year ago, Honor was standing on one of her toy cars (despite being told over and over again NOT to stand on the cars), fell and bruised her tooth. Yes, you can bruise a tooth. It turned almost black, but came back just as white as the others.

I should have put those cars outside.

Today, Samuel was standing on one of the toy cars (despite being told over and over again NOT to stand on the cars). He fell. He did not bruise his tooth, but he did cut/bruise his cheek...right before family pictures tonight. Isn't that always the way it works?

I should have packed the cars away.

I had him put an ice pack on it and went to take a shower. Five minutes into my shower, Samuel was crying...again.

"Samuel! What happened!"

"I fell off my car!" This time the owie was on the back of his head...

"After you just fell and I told you NOT to stand on it???"

"I didn't stand on it!"

"Well, then how did you hurt yourself?"

"Because I didn't have wings to fly!"

...

"Mommy! It's not funny! Stop laughing!!!"

My Friend Doug

Please pray for my friend Doug. He just lost his mom. Doug is in prison. Because of this, he cannot attend her funeral service or be there for his family. Obviously this is a hard time for him. Here is his blog post about it: Mommsy.

I would greatly appreciate it if you would take the time to post a comment on his blog (anonymous comments are fine). He could use the encouragement right now...

That's Too Long

Samuel is very huggable. I've mentioned his cheeks before--super kissable. Well, he just grips you in hugs and I just don't want to ever let him go.

While receiving a giant bear hug from him, I tried to explain to him how much I loved it.

"Samuel, I want to hug you forever!"

Samuel looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said, "how about three evers?"

Yes, perhaps four-ever might be a little too long...

He's Such a Crack Up

Today in phonics we were discussing consonant digraphs. The particular consonant digraphs we were using were "gh" and "ck". Honor and Connor were asked to write out three sentences using several of the following words: brought, thought, crack, check, track, thick, bought, trick.


Here were Connor's sentences:

The robot had a crack in his head.

Love Man loved Crack Man.

I love you Mom said Crack Man.


------------

I held back my chuckles and told him to redo the sentences using more than "crack." He returned with this sentence:

Trick Man tricked Check Boy.

...

Sigh.

The Joy of Giving...or Not...

Today Honor and Connor got to buy their first...anything.

Honor and Connor had been talking about buying Christmas presents with their money, so today was THE day. I had Honor and Connor empty out their piggy banks and count out the change. They earn money by picking up rocks from the horse stalls...a penny a rock. They don't do it often since they have to have all of their "normal" chores done first (pick up toys, clean rooms, make beds)....and then they didn't really understand how neat it was to have money. They know now! Honor ended up with $10.53 ($2 from the tooth fairy...and she's an expert at finding "loose change"), Connor had $2.82. I exchanged the change for bills and off we went.

To give them the best "bang for their buck," we went over to the dollar store. Before going in, I told them that I would help them make the most use of their money so that they could get the most presents for the most amount of people. I reminded them that they could get whatever they wanted (for the most part--I still had veto power if it was inappropriate) since it was their money. Both were excited to buy Christmas presents. That changed when we got inside.

Once Connor saw the toy aisle, he no longer wanted the presents for other people. "Okay, Son, but you are going to miss out on the blessing of being able to wrap the presents and give them to someone else. You won't be able to see the joy on someone's face as you give them something you picked out just for them."

He thought about that for a moment as he looked at the glow-in-the-dark sword and robot in his hands. "Okay, Mom. I'll give this sword to Luke for Christmas. But I'm going to play with it until Christmas."

"Oh no, Son...if you want to give him that sword, you can't play with it first. We'll wrap it when we get home and you can give it to him another day."

"Oh...then I think I will just keep it."

Sigh.

Honor was the opposite. She wanted to get everything in the store...but she wanted it for other people. "Ashlynn will like this"..."Ariana will like this!"..."Hannah can have this!"..."Maya can have this!"

Eventually I had her narrow it down some. She put a lot of thought into it--getting just the "perfect" present for Daddy, Ariana, Samuel and her friends, Maya and Ashlynn. After that, she got a couple bags of candy, some candy canes, and some foam butterflies to decorate so she could give one to each of the kids in her Sunday School class. She had $1 left. Then she saw "the horse." A little porcelain horse that opened so she could hide something inside. She loved it. I could see it in her eyes that she treasured that thing. She wanted to think of the perfect person to give it to, but was having a hard time deciding on someone who "won't break it." I remembered what her Daddy had said to me before we left: "make sure they get something for themselves too...they worked hard for that money." I had told him that they could spend their money how they chose, but I decided to remind Honor that it was her money and she could use it however she wanted.

She held the horse close to her heart and looked up at me with big doe eyes. "Do you think it would be okay if I kept this one thing?"

"Yes, Sweetie."

So she did.

The kids happily paid the check out lady everything they had, and eagerly went back to the car. Honor talked the whole way home about how she couldn't wait to share her candy canes with her siblings. Connor talked about how his sword would glow in the dark.

There's a lesson in there somewhere...

Our Adoption Story: Part 7...You're Not Delayed

Shortly after Conner turned 3, we received a notice from our case worker that they may need to remove the children from our care (again). See, we were a licensed Developmentally Delayed home...and now that Conner was officially 3, it was no longer possible for him to be diagnosed as such. The state was trying to cut back on expenses, so the children would need to be moved.

"Can't we just change to regular foster care?" I asked my licensing worker.

"Unfortunately it doesn't just work that way. There is all sorts of red tape you have to go through. You would have to change licensing agencies. By the time the paperwork goes through, it will be too late."

"What can we do?"

"I'll talk to [the head of the licensing agency] and let you know what she says. Just hang in there!"

Later that day I received this e-mail:

We were wondering if you would be willing to write up a brief statement of some kind regarding your opinion on CPS possibly wanting to move the kids. [The head of the licensing agency] is compiling letters from anyone who is willing to write them, and is hoping to meet w/ the governor's office sometime this week to discuss this issue....[We] have all vowed to make sure this does not happen to you guys, or any of our other families for that matter (you guys definitely arent the only ones!!) So please dont worry about it.... I know hard to say but I know you have a super strong faith!! By the way you did great today at FCRB. :)

-------------------------

So I wrote this letter:

To whom it may concern-

I was recently informed that the foster children in my home were possibly going to be removed from my care because they do not have developmental delays. My foster children are currently 3 years, and 21 months. I have had both of these children for almost a year and a half (since the youngest was 4 months old). At the time they were given to me, it was unknown how the neglect that they had suffered had affected them. After they were tested, the eldest was deemed socially delayed and also slightly behind in some of the other tests as well. The youngest was physically delayed due to the neglect she had suffered. After working with both children diligently, the oldest one was considered on track before he was 2 years old, and the youngest is finally physically on track as well. I feel as if we are being punished for doing our job as a DD home. We are the only family the youngest has ever known--to remove her from our care to another foster family so close to some permanency being introduced into her life would be very damaging to a child who has already undergone so much. It saddens me that the best interest of the children is not being looked after, but rather the best interest of the money. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my case. Please feel free to contact me further with any questions.

--------------------------

As was typically the case...nothing came of this either.

Shortly after this, the case really took a turn towards severance...Birth Mom had an 8 hour unsupervised visit. It did not go well....


Part 8

Our Adoption Story: Part 6...Family

Up until this point, I've made it seem as if our Foster Care experience was all doom and gloom. Yes, it was a roller coaster ride of highs and lows, but mostly we just did our thing and waited. For two and a half years...we waited. The case worker later said it was one of his top 5 most frustrating cases--it should never have drawn on that long.

But, like I said, in the roller coaster ride there were "highs." Foster Care Review Board was a "high" for me. Every six months we were asked to submit an update on the kids' well-being either in person or via a letter. They wanted to know if the kids were happy, the activities they were involved in and their overall routine as well as how they acted at visits, etc. Birth Mom was also encouraged to attend these meetings, but she never did. The Board members were volunteers whose sole job was to make sure the kids were being treated well by everyone involved in the case. I often learned the most about the case from their "findings"--which were always sent to the judge. They were told things from the case worker that I wasn't always privy to. The FCRB advocated for us from the beginning-- even before we knew we should be advocated for. Every six months they recommended severance and adoption.

One of the many blessings throughout this process was the chance to meet and become friends with Conner and Airianna's biological aunt and uncle (well, Birth Mom's aunt and uncle). Originally they were the ones that would end up adopting the kids--if they had lived in the area, the kids would have went to them directly instead of to foster care. The Aunt and Uncle are actually a very good family--Uncle is even a doctor. They have two girls of roughly the same age as our kids. If we hadn't been able to adopt them, at least I know that in that home they would have been loved and cared for.

I spoke to Aunt the first time right after the 6 month hearing. Our case worker had told her that we would be interested in adopting and she wanted to speak with us. Aunt had known some really bad foster mothers and she was wanting to find out it the kids were in a loving home. We spoke for nearly 2 hours and at the end I had agreed to keep in touch via e-mail. By the second Christmas (a year and a half in), we had spoken often enough that it was time to meet.

We had planned a family vacation up to Iowa. Because of the long drive, we had scheduled it for two weeks during Daddy's slow season. Any time you take a trip out of state, you must clear it with the case worker--especially when you will be missing visits. At first we thought the case worker was going to deny the trip, but because Aunt and Uncle were going to be in South Dakota--a half day's drive from where we were going to be staying--we included them in our plans. Since at that time it looked like they would adopt the kids, the case worker agreed to the trip to give the kids an opportunity to know their potential family.

Aunt and Uncle and Cousins were pretty much what we expected and we enjoyed getting to know them better. We had planned a couple of outings together, unfortunately Cousin 1 got sick and had to go to the ER so that part of the trip got cut short. However, they were with us enough to know that Conner and Airianna were without a doubt bonded to our family.

Shortly after returning home, Aunt wrote a letter to the judge stating that Birth Mom's parental rights should be severed and that we should be allowed to adopt the kids as soon as possible. The case worker told us this was unheard of. He had never before had a suitable family member advocate for the foster parents to adopt. It carried a lot of weight in our case. It was also detrimental to their family relationships.

We are very thankful to Aunt and Uncle for their sacrifice. For their "traitorous" act, Uncle had to sever ties to his brother (the kids' grandpa). Aunt and Uncle did not think that Grandpa led a healthy lifestyle, however, Grandpa was the only one of his siblings that helped out when Cousin 1 was in and out of the hospital as an infant (she was a preemie). He did not make good life choices for himself or his family, however, Grandpa was loyal and Uncle felt horrible for hurting him. He still thinks he made the right decision, but it cost him a great deal.

We keep in close contact with Aunt and Uncle and Uncle's mom--great grandma. We do not distinguish between any of our aunts and uncles or grandmas...they are aunt/uncle/grandma to all of the kids and we are very thankful for the extended family.

Part 7