Our Adoption Story: Part 2...New Additions

The first week after getting Conner was an adjustment period for all of us. Not only did we have a new little person in the house to "babysit", but I had to learn how to get all the foster care paperwork/procedures done. Appointments were scheduled for our primary physician, social worker, Guardian Ad Litem (GAL), case worker, licensing worker, CASA, and therapist.

The day after we got him, we had to take him to our pediatrician. Since I hadn't been prepared with new clothes, he had to wear some hand-me-downs from the neighbor that were a little big on him (I wasn't going to let him wear clothes that were too small for him and smelled like a pack of cigarettes--which was what was sent in his diaper bag). I remember sitting there with him in the waiting room of the doctor's office, thinking of ways that I could mention that he was a foster child to the other moms in the room lest they think that I was the one who had scratched up his face and made him look that awful (prideful much?). The doctor looked him over and, despite being underweight, pronounced him in fairly good health--except for some chronic bronchitis. He also sent us home with a breathing treatment machine...apparently having cigarette smoke blown in your face for amusement is bad for your lungs...who knew?

In the beginning, breathing treatments were horrible. We had to do it four times a day and he screamed the entire time. The doctor said that was actually a good thing since it meant it was being drawn into his lungs better, but it sure made it a miserable experience for us! Eventually he calmed down enough that we were able to use breathing treatment time as "story time" and he cuddled happily on our laps and took his "medicine".

The first few days was a honeymoon period. Every toy was new, the dogs were new, the food was new, Honor was new...he was as sweet as pie. But by the third day, it became evident that we had our work cut out for us. 18 month old Conner had a big problem with the word, "no" and if Honor made him mad...well...he was a biter.

So, the "no fit corner" was invented and worked wonders. Conner took well to consistent discipline and by the end of the first week, we began to get into some semblance of a routine.

Then our licensing worker called.

"How's everything going?"

"Pretty good. Actually, it's a lot easier than I was expecting."

"Well, that's good. Listen, Conner had a sister that was also removed."

"Yeah, the case worker mentioned that when she dropped him off."

"Oh. Well, the foster mom that took his sister is having a hard time with the baby. Apparently she cries all the time and the foster mom's daughter isn't getting enough sleep in order to be functional at her job. They want to find a new placement for her. Do you think you guys could handle having the baby too?"

I didn't even need to ask my husband...we'd already talked about how we wished they wouldn't have had to separate the two siblings. "Sure--we're used to babies here. But how would that work? We're only licensed for one."

"I'll talk to the case worker and if he agrees, we'll rush through a license. You should be able to get her by the end of next week."

And that's what happened.

The following week, the parent aid brought over Airianna--a tiny little bundle of 4 month old sleepiness. Airianna had been the reason for the removal in the first place. The day care provider had been concerned with the bruises on her face and her failure to thrive. The bruises were no longer evident by the time I got her, but she was swimming in our smallest 0-3 month outfit.

I immediately recognized that she was not eating enough formula for her age, nor was she eating often enough. They also hadn't taken into consideration her severe reflux other than giving her medicine. I called my licensing worker. "Um, I am reading the instructions that the other foster mom gave me for Airianna's eating schedule. Am I allowed to change them?"

"Yes. For the most part you are in charge of everything she eats, drinks and wears...unless the birth mom or the case worker tell you specifically otherwise."

"Okay."

I hung up the phone and introduced Airianna to a regular routine--something she had never had before. The first night we had her she slept from 9 pm to 5 am. She rarely cried. The next day I took her to the doctor. She was off the charts (negative) for both height and weight. By the end of the first week with us, she had gained a pound--she was still off the charts, but she was now headed in the right direction.

Airianna bonded to me immediately. I'm sorry to admit that I did not bond with her so quickly. When I first held Conner, he felt like "my" son because he was a boy version of Honor. Airianna was foreign to me. Did I dislike her? No. But she didn't feel like "mine". It was easier to imagine her has a child I was only babysitting. Which at that time I was.

I truly wanted to give these children back to their birth mom. I was prepared for that. After all, the case plan goal was reunification. We weren't in the "Fost-to-Adopt" program--after all, we had no issues having children of our own. I fully intended to get the kids "ready" to go home to their birth mom. At this point, I viewed my "job" as a daycare provider with perks. I was going to work through Conner's "no" issues and Airianna's eating issues--maybe even potty train Conner and get him to talk--and hopefully get to help the mom out a little before giving the kids back.

I was so very deceived.


Part 3